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Friday, December 16, 2005

Sword of Stupid: DC's Newest Screw Up

They've got to be joking, right?



So let me get this straight. Aquaman is selling so poorly that it is on the fast track to being cancelled (again) and the solution that DC comes up with is to hand the focus of the book over to some completely other dude with a sword and change the title of the book to Sword of Atlantis?!?

How is this a good idea? What possible past comics could they have looked to in order to figure out that this is a mistake? Well, there's this:



That worked out pretty well for everyone involved. Really shook up the DCU and made lasting changes to characters that would be felt forever. Right? Wrong. (Granted, it isn't as dumb as when the Punisher became that angel killing zombie thing or whatever it was that happened at Marvel Knights, but hey, they're Marvel, when they screw up, they screw up bigger and more screwier than DC could ever dream of screwing up.)

So I guess the minds at DC forgot all about Ray Palmer riding a frog and fighting insects, cause here comes Sword of Aquaman all ready to stink up comic shops next year. And here's a character, Aquaman, that they want to give a TV show to? The hell? Guy can't even remain the focus of his own comic book and they think we're gonna watch him on the WB every week? Bro?

Aquaman is a dopey character DC. Buy he's YOUR dopey character. He rides a giant sea horse and fights a guy with a hot water heater on his head. But that's what makes him awesome. Embrace the silliness that is your stable of characters or get new characters. Don't straddle the fence. Don't call a book Aquaman when its Camelot 3000 AD under water... It's insulting. Don't tell us its not Aquaman if it looks just like Aquaman. Don't pee on our backs and tell us its raining.

And don't ever, EVER, give King Shark a role that large.

Ever.

Let me just rap this up with my favorite part of the Newsarama article:

The writer explained this new take on Aquaman will be more of a high-fantasy adventure book … “with swords, wizards, exotic locales, wars, monsters, ancient gods and more, all taking advantage of that undersea setting that makes the seascape practically an alien world, full of mystery and wonder,” (Kurt) Busiek said.

BWAH-HA-HA. Oh, right, fantasy. Swords and wizards. Are they out of their minds?!? Do they really think people want this shite? In an Aquaman book? There's only one place for that sort of crap. And thankfully, that home has been shut tight.



This idea is stupid time eleven, and won't last a year.

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