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Monday, January 09, 2006

Bottlecap-Eater Lad?

Well, it was some weekend. Now, Monday, after it' all said and done "I feel like Rob Liefeld draws," (to quote Keep Squeezin' Them Monkeys Lad).

Saturday started out pretty normal. My girlfriend had a party at her place in Brooklyn, and we were all psyched for a night of drinking and zaniness. It was pretty much a safe bet since the decision to have the party came down the wire that there was gonna be some flip cup played, that there was going to be a mess, and that it was going to be a blast.

But I could never have guessed that another game would creep up, one that would change my life forever (sounds ominous, huh?)

After many flip cup rounds, the call came down for a game of beer pong (or as some call it Beirut). Problem was, there were no ping pong balls in the apartment. Well, quick thinking drinkers that we were, we decided to improvise with beer caps. No problem. Myself, being a novice at the game and slightly upset that flip cup was over, really wanted in the first round and got my wish. Lucky me. It was all going pretty good. We were all tied up, 2 cups each and then...

I swallowed a beer cap.

It was terrible. I ran to the bathroom with my girlfriend and her brother hot on my heels. I tried repeatedly to get the cap back. I wasn't choking, but it hadn't gone all the way down, so I did the Lohan on my throat, doing whatever I could to make myself yack. I didn't work. At all. It hurt like a bitch and some food came out, but mostly nothing happened.

Well, not nothing. I did make my eyes red and puffy. I also made myself cry. AND I scared the shit out of everyone, myself included.

Quick thinkers outside the bathroom sprung into action, though, and made a quick call to poison control. Seems I didn't want to puke it up anyway, it would do more damage coming back up. I was instructed to eat a piece of bread, drink some water and wait. After choking back the bread (it was the hardest thing I've had to do in a while) I almost instantly felt better as the cap made it to my stomach. The rest of the night I drank water, hid my eyes, and tried not to look as stupid as I was feeling.

As it stands now, its just a waiting game. My eyes are still a little puffy, my throat and tummy hurt a bit, but there's nothing I can do but wait while the beer cap traces along my insides and eventually finds it way back out again. Fun.

I tell you this story today as a warning. Kids: don't eat bottle caps. You're not from Bismol, you're not in the legion. It will hurt like a bitch and make for a fun lesson in anatomy that, frankly, I could've done with out.

And to Erin, Doug, the Poison control dude and everyone else that helped out, thanks alot for your help and for being so cool through my moment of stupidity. From now on, the only bottle caps that cross my lips are rootbeer flavored kind, made by Willy Wonka.

Ugh.

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