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Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Cover Up.

Someone told me they liked the last post I did where I commented on solicited covers. So this is where I betray them by not quite doing it as well as the last time. Think of it as my version of "Die Hard 2".

Marvel Adventures: Fantastic Four #12
Oh, god yes. Here's the first of a bunch of cool covers featuring the FF. I don't know what this issue is about, and frankly, I don't care. DOCTOR DOOM IS IN A FLYING HOTROD! WOO-HOO! Put me down for a "yes."

Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man #8
This is so stupid. I can't imagine a way that the story behind this costume is any good. Well, maybe. Maybe if it was designed by super-intelligent helper monkeys from the future and following its creation, Spidey's mind was fused with the monkeys, in a sort of hive mind type deal, and he was then sent off to fight an army of ninja robot vampire cowboys. Then, maybe.

But probably not. God, its like they let John Byrne loose in Pete's "Friendly Neighborhood" again. Speaking of crap...

New Excalibur #7
Memo to John Byrne: Stop it.
Up on his website, not too long ago, Byrne ran a poll where he wanted his *ahem* fans to decide what his next project should be. Sadly, "Retirement" was not one of the options. I don't know what the outcome of that poll was, but if it was "New Excalibur #7" then his fans should be rounded up and put down. Judging this issue by its cover, it looks like Vandal Savage wants to take the new team bowling and he's bringing along Juggernaut's helmet. Or something. I don't know enough about the book to understand this shit. Nor do I care. Wait. Is that DAZZLER I see reflected back in that shiny helmet thing? Good lord, man. Cut it out.

Four #30
The hits keep on coming. Another wonderful cover with the FF! This one has H.E.R.B.I.E.!!! You gotta love that little robot. Seriously. I'm enforcing that as a law now. Love H.E.R.B.I.E. or face the consequences.
This is another book that I happily avoid every month, but I'll say this, If the cover is any representation, I'm gonna start buying this book every month! What? It's cancelled? Oh, well, that'll save me some cake. Thank heavens.

Thing #7
Another FF member in a cool cover!!! I love Dan Slott's work. She-Hulk and Thing read like no other Marvel comic out there. Why? Cause they read like a DC Comic. And that's why they are so frickin' good. Again, the colorist seems to gone a little mad-pants with his patterns and whatnot, but still.
I don't give a good gosh darn what's going on in the foreground with that artist guy, but my word, THING IS GONNA CLOBBER HERCULES WITH A HUGE COLUMN! Fantastic. Plus, Herc is wearing a Lion on his head. A lion that he no doubt killed himself. With his bare hands. Or maybe, he did it with BEAR hands. You know, like he killed himself a bear, took the paws off that sumnabitch, slipped his mitts inside of them like mittens, then tracked down a lion and murdered it with those new gloves. As a final "F-you" to the Lion and its family, Herc now wears the murdered animal's face on top of his head. Partly to look cool, but mostly as a warning to other lions. And bears.

Batman Year 100 #4
Leaving aside how dumb an idea this series is, I can't get past how disgusting the art is. I get it. Paul Pope is "different" he doesn't "play by the rules" he's a "maverick." Whatever dude, this art sucks. It sucks long and it sucks hard. I've doodled stuff on bar napkins down at Olive's (the best bar in Nyack) in a state where I can hardly hold a pen that looks better than this nonsense. I've never had a comic book make me sick to my stomach that wasn't drawn by Rob Liefeld, until now.

Showcase presents Superman Vol 2
I make no secret of my love for these Showcase editions. Of the ones I've bought so far, Green Lantern got old about halfway though and JLA hasn't been cracked yet, but my Superman Showcase is one of the best things I've ever read. Counting the Bible. In fact, I think the Gideons people should be putting Superman Showcase in motel nightstands. Spread the word of a REAL savior. Yeah, desperate mother-effers down on their luck will think twice about scoring some dope and murdering a prostitute after they've read about The Man of Steel fighting a giant monkey. I'm just saying.

Green Arrow #62
I can't for the life of my figure out the anatomy on this cover. Can you? Take a long hard look at it and try not to go insane in the process. Arms are not that short. Way to use a LONG RANGE weapon, G.A. You are so gonna get shot in the face. Dick Cheney style.
And, uh, what would you call that pose. Was Green Arrow getting buggered by a stanger only to find out it was Deathstroke? Gah!

52 #2
Its about time. Booster gets mad honey's yo. Skeet skeet skeet!

Outsiders #36
Someone tell Judd Winnick that the Power Ranger's are not in DC continuity. Also, tell him to read the memo I sent to John Byrne.

And that, as they say, is that.


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