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Friday, April 07, 2006

Guy Gardner: Douche



This page from Infinite Crisis #6 really bothered me.

It wasn't the fact that no one is overly concerned that they're staring down a large number of Earths. How many? Infinite. Which is a large number. A very large number. Infinity is retardedly big. So big so that I can't even grasp it. But somehow, someway, the new Blue Beetle, can.

No. Wasn't that.

And it wasn't the appearance of that stupid magic ironman Blue Beetle, either. No matter how lame he is, how silly he looks or how un-Blue Beetle he is. And I'll say right up front that it wasn't the bad characterization of Booster or Batman either.

No, what upset me about this page is the realization that Guy Gardner, Hal Jordan and Ollie Queen are all Yankees fans. What the fuck? Now, first of all, I would think that they'd all back their home teams, I'm sure Coast City and Star City or wherever have their own franchises, right? So that means these dudes, Hal and Ollie, are supporting teams that aren't from the city they live in, or were born in or have any real ties to.

That, is just plain stupid.

And what about Guy Gardner? Well, I shoulda seen that coming. See, Guy Gardner is a dickhead. Dickheads always seem to either like--or play for--the New York Yankees. Its just the way it works.

Now, Guy always has been (baring bouts with amnesia) a dick, and hopefully always will be. It never bothered me before cause he was always being a dick to Hal Jordan, and Hal Jordan sucks.

So I was totally cool with that. Now I find out their hanging out together and going to Yankee games? The hell? The only way that can be okay is if they're going to Earth-2 where everything is reversed. There, I'd imagine, the Yankees are a pretty cool bunch of guys and the Red Sox are evil. Also up is down and wine coolers are manly.

Crap. Well, Guy, its been real. But now the good times are over, you Yankees loving douche. Allow me to introduce the world to my NEW favorite Green Lantern, Voz.He's a purple-brown gorilla-man thing and, from what I hear, he's a Bud man and a Cubs fan.

Go Sox.

3 Comments:

Blogger Diamondrock said...

If this Voz is a Cubs fan, then he's my new favorite Lantern too. I grew up in Illinois, and my family members are Cubs fans, unto seven generations.

Go Cubs!

6:06 AM

 
Blogger Mallet said...

I'm actually a Jet's fan and a Yankees fan (after the Diamondbacks).

But I live in Arizona and honestly the Cardinals are more likely to save the universe by line dancing around the sun then win a super bowl.

10:31 PM

 
Anonymous erin! said...

don't hate on the Gardner Legacy. you're just jealous.

7:18 PM

 

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