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Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Where the Real "Action" is.

Hello, the internet.

So, I've been reading this Superman Chronicles thing. Have you heard about it? Its every Superman comic, ever, in the chronological order they were released. Now, granted, its not that impressive yet cause there's really only one volume, but still its a cool undertaking and unlike the Showcase editions (which I love and want to marry) these stories featured in full color.

But, before I use my blogspace to talk about what these comics contain, I'd rather get into a little bit about what they omit. As we all know, Superman debuted in the first issue of Action Comics. AC featured multiple stories and arcs, different characters and above all else, a lot of "action." Supes appeared on the first cover, and sporadically on other covers in the first couple years until, at issue 18 Supes took over the book and the cover, and no one else ever got a shot at the lime light.

In the Chronicles edition, however, they include the covers to all the issues, even the covers that don't feature Superman and, I gotta tell you, it makes me really want to read those missing stories. DC teased the hell out of me, I'll admit.

Just check what is missing:Okay, near as I can tell, this is a wolfman who's been cornered by a Canadian Mountee. How cool is that? A Canadian wolfman? I'm so there. I bet he eats a whole hockey team.

Fuck. This guy is hardcore. Out of bullets, surrounded by the enemy, in the middle of the goddamned desert, and what does he do? Surrender? Hell no, he turns his gun around and prepares to beat the shit out of the first mofo to get close to him. Bad. Ass. You just know he's an American. Prolly Kid Rock's grandfather or an early incarnation of Jack Bauer. Fuck! He's even got his shirt off Captain Kirk style. My hero.

I understand that the book was about Superman, but DC must know that I'd buy an entire volume titled "Monkey Sneak Attacks" or "I've Been Pimp Slapped by a Gorilla Omnibus."
I love how the ape looks like he's just gonna wait until that dude turns around. Classic. Its like a super violent Abbot and Costello movie. Word.

Another in Action's "Guns as Blunt Weapons" series. This time featuring a guy in one of those cool painter's hats from the 80s that had flaps on the back to keep the sun from giving you a weird tan where your rat tail hung. What? You didn't have one of those in the 80s? Loser.
Anyway, 80s surfer-man is totally about to wreck shop on Erica Badu's dad who is fighting back with a sword. Yeah, he brought a knife to a gun fight. And he still could win! Extra props for the Iron Sheik books he's wearing. Sim Sala Bim, my stereotypical friend.

Again, who wouldn't pick up this comic?!? Its a native American choking the shit out of some bastard Red Coat.
Throwing some tea away seems pretty cool and all, but this guy was doing the Mandible Claw 300 years early. That rocks balls.

Its just too bad I didn't get that story in the trade. Its also too bad that these rad covers stopped after 17 issues. Number 18 came along and Clark took over, giving us such memorable nonsense as this:Yeah, uh... don't push there. He's gonna shit on the fire.

Somehow we went from Wolfmen and Bare-Knuckled badasses to Superman massaging Santa's bunt.

Improvement? You tell me.


Blogger Ragnell said...

*Starts to speak, then really reads the last line. Laughs, covers her mouth and walks away waving her hand at you*

10:34 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Monkey Sneak Attack"

LOL. Love it. Love it.

11:13 AM

Blogger Walaka said...

Great bit - I wish there were more genre covers (and stories) like that around now!

Minor correction: Superman did give up the cover frequently, when Action went weekly in 1988-89. It was for just another superhero (or Blackhawk) though, nothing like these classics.

(Ragnell, are you everywhere?

7:42 PM


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