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Friday, June 09, 2006

Physics in the DCU

Okay, so I've been reading some pre-crisis crossovers lately. This one I'm into now is a ripping good yarn involving the JLA, the JSA, and from Earth-S a group called Shazam's Super Squad. Its a pretty lame group, this Earth-S group, cause there's no one from the Marvel family at all so far (I'm only 2 issues into the three issues crossover) and the Super Squad is pretty much Bulletman, Bulletgirl, Spy Smasher, Mr. Scarlet and Pinky.

Yes. Pinky. The character that makes Robin look butch by comparison. At one point in the story his hair gets transmographied into diamonds, and I tell you what, I think he likes it. Meanwhile, Batman's jaw is slowly turning to granite (kind of like Harrison Ford's has been doing for the last 20 years, zing!). Fair trade, I guess. Man, If I was The Weeper (one of the villains of this tale), I'd so lop the boys head off and make my fortune. See ya later, Earth-S losers, I'm a crying billionaire. But that doesn't happen. Not even a little.

That's crazy enough, but the real threat in this crisis is a dude known as King Kull, Lord of the Beastmen. Yeah, he's basically King Shit of Turd Mountain, but he has a mad on for all the earths, or at least 1, 2 and S. In his initial plan, he sends out a cloud of some kind in a plan to sink all the world's land into the ocean. Here, its better if Superman explains it. Supes? Right, Ollie. Good point.

In the following panels, Superman negates gravity by flying off and Wonderwoman hops into an invisible jet. Was that covered in your college physics? I can't imagine even having physics classes in the DCU, what would be the point? Everytime a law of the universe is set down in stone, some asshole in a cape comes along and disproves it anyway.

But, you know, clouds that make islands sink are just not possible. Just ask the millionaire douchebag in the Robin Hood costume. He knows physics better than Hawkings. Dopes. He'll tell you that island sinking clouds are impossible but this isn't:Yeah, that's how they got there. They flew from Earth to Earth in the Batmobile, with the help of the worlds largest (and nakedest) hood ornament.

At least Superman takes a more philosophical approach to the matter. He's a regular Socrates compared to GA, he knows he knows nothing. Dig it:Ha ha! But he's going to go punch it anyway. That's our Superman. What is this? I dunno. I'm not smart enough to figure it out... well, better sock it in the puss.

YAY! JUSTICE!!! I can't wait to see how this story ends.

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