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Monday, September 11, 2006

karr and garth: best evil twins ever

and now a word or two about evil twins.

...the last week or so i was growing a beard. It was ridiculous (see my new photos!). So then i trimmed it in a move that would no doubt anger clint eastwood while making fans of blade 3 rejoice (both of you!). Then, having had enough, friday i shaved off everything but the mustache.

It looked ridiculous--pictures to come.

I looked like my own evil twin. At least i thought i did. Everyone knew it was me, though. I mean, its just a mustache. So i guess everything i learned in the 80s was a god damned lie. Shit.

But that's the way it works with evil twins. They can't be too similar, they gotta have something to set them off from their "good" counterpart. And in 80s tv, there was no way better to show that a guy was evil than to slap a goatee or mustache on him. Its just radiates sinister. Like Sinestro.

So, in cellebration of my one-day mustache, i present for you the greatest battles of good vs evil twin ever captured on film. Coincientally, they're both from the same TV Series.

Lord. Is there any part that the Hoff CAN'T play? Genius. Dig how he not only has a mustache, but a little chin deal going too. Totally evil. If i remember correctly he was the son of the head of Knight Industries and the reason he looks like the Hoff is that Michael was given Garth's face after the accident that began his shadowy flight into the world of a man who does not exist. Garth in the meantime spent a bunch of time in Aftrican prisons where the lack of good hygene and medical care caused his hair to baloon out to Space-Balls size proportions and his face to explode into a cacaphony of evil facial hair. I think in this episode he teams up with said africans to destroy Knight Rider or something (are you looking for the plot to make sense? cause it won't. point is, its Michael vs Garth and its awesome.)

Garth Knight, driver of Goliath. Gotta love him. That fight didn't go to well for Michael though, huh? And Goliath didn't even use his missles (he's got a crap ton of missles), or his guns (loads of guns) or even the creepy sleeper cabin where Garth invites lonely hitchhikers to take a load off and have some ramen noodles while he plays his Rush tapes and drops some road wisdom on them. Terrifying.
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You can tell by the photo that he's evil. He's got a sinister goatee AND he smokes like a douchebag.

But that's not the only character on Knight Rider to face an evil doppleganger. Observe:

That's KITT's nemesis, KARR (which stands for Knight Automated Roving Robot, possibly the best non-GIJoe anagram ever). KARR was the original prototype of KITT. He didn't work out, he was too irrational and, yes, too human. It wasn't untill the 2000 model (KITT) that they started making their cars 3 Laws Safe. (I would argue that that makes KITT a subservient little bitch-boy of a car.)

So anyway, KARR was obviously dismantled when they found out he was dangerous and he was never heard from once KITT came out. Right? Well, no, dummy or there'd be no show. Rather, he came back in the episode "Trust Doesn't Rust" and again in the ep featured above simply titled "KITT vs KARR" in which the two have a fantastic show down culminating in... well you should watch and see for yourself. All I'll say is, I think Karr's interior was made out of plastic explosives and gasoline.

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Notice that they even found a way to give KARR an evil goatte. When he showed up originally he was identical to KITT ('cept the evil business) but eventually he became a two-tone job, as a way to tell them apart and also to let other cars out there know: this shit-bag is evil and full of hate.

And gasoline.

Its a shame that the show didn't stay on long enough for Garth and KARR to team up. Imagine it, Goliath pulls up next to the Phoenix foundation's semi and everyone starts freaking out cause they know it has missles and old ramen and shit inside of it. So they send out the Hoff in KITT to do battle. And he's all like, "No problem, I'll be back in two shakes, just in time to be sexually inappropriate to Bonnie." And the english guy would go, "Oh Michael." and Michael would be like "That's Bonnie's line." Then they'd all laugh (well, not bonnie, as she's just been verbally assaulted) and he hops into KITT and goes to work. BUT as they're letting KITT out, they notice the back of Goliath opens up... and out rolls KARR... WITH GARTH DRIVING!!!! bum-bum-bummmmmmm!
It would be better than when Lex Luthor wore braniac on his head in that Alan Moore story "Whatever happened to the man of tomorrow."

if a hero is defined by his villians, then i think these two clips show: Knight Rider was fucking ridiculous.

but what's not to love about that?


Anonymous Anonymous said...

The fact this article has no comment is a crime.
"Great article" says internet person

5:54 AM


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